%% #📓 #📚 #🟠 %% **Title:** What's Your Decision? How to Make Choices with Confidence and Clarity: An Ignatian Approach to Decision Making. **Author:** J. Michael Sparough, Jim Manney, and Tim Hipskind **Citation:** Sparough, J. M., Manney, J., & Hipskind, T. (2010). *What's your decision? How to make choices with confidence and clarity: An Ignatian approach to decision making.* Loyola Press. --- # Abstract ~ 3 Sentence Summary # Structure # Notes & Important Ideas ## Basic Principles - ["] The first premise is that God cares about our decisions. This isn’t self-evident, and not everyone believes it. Many people don’t want to believe it. The notion that a higher power outside themselves has a stake in the choices they make strikes them as an impingement on their freedom. ([Location 128](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=128)) - *I'm not bothered by an impingement on my freedom. I just don't believe in a higher power that created the world with any specific intention.* - ["] decision making is essentially a matter of discovering this purpose and aligning ourselves with it. ([p. 3](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=132)) - Sparough et al. argue that the purpose we should be aligning with is God's will. ### God's Will - Two understandings of God's will: 1. God already has a plan for us before we're born. 2. Whatever we do to reach on potential and seek greater purpose and happiness is God's will. - ["] Learning to interpret emotions is one of the best ways to discern God’s will for our choices in life. ([p. 8](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=197)) - Our feelings can tell us a lot about how well a choice is likely to work out. They are often a manifestation of some deeper wisdom or inner knowing that we might not otherwise be aware of. And our feelings will ultimately have an impact on how we show up and execute on a decision. If we make a choice that we have bad feelings about, we may unconsciously sabotage our own efforts. ### Making Decisions is Hard - Ignatius provided a methodology for decision making that offers guidance in interpreting feelings as well as talking into consideration and analyzing rational facts, context, and the opinions and perspectives of others. - Two important points when faced with a decision where we're torn between multiple options: 1. We need to pause to reflect and really examine all the factors involved in each option. 2. We need to seek help when the is not clear. - Decision making isn't a finite task, it is a journey. - The end result is not the goal - it's all about the process. - Decision making follows a spiral model where we reflect on our experience, make a decision based on discernment, take action on that decision, and reflect again on the experience before we make another decision. - We learn from every decision. including our mistakes and failures. - ["] The only prerequisite for good decision making is a desire to make this one choice to grow in life with God. ([p. 14](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=281)) *This doesn't resonate with me since I don't believe in God, but I do think a desire for personal growth and alignment with our own purpose is a prerequisite for good decision making.* - Some barriers to making good choices are the societal and cultural norms we've grown up with and adopted. > [! quote] Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer. - Rainer Maria Rilke ([p. 21](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=350)) > [! quote] Every important decision involves roads not taken, possibilities forever unexplored, work that we will never do, people who will not be part of our lives. We often long for the alternative that we did not select and experience its absence as an actual loss. ([p.26](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=407)) - Loss aversion is an issue because most people feel a loss more acutely then a gain. ### Use Discernment to Make the Right Choice - ["] The goal of discernment isn’t to have positive feelings about oneself. Our purpose in life, as Ignatius expressed it, is “to praise, reverence, and serve God our Lord.” ([Location 371](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=371)) - *The goal isn't simple happiness or feeling good, it's to connect to our true self, grow as a person and fulfill a greater purpose.* - Ignatius believed that emotional struggle in making a decision is a sign of God's will. - [[lgnatian discernment]] helps us he more aware of the movements between our feelings, reflect on, and interpret them to uncover God's will. - When making decisions one should follow general principles, ask others for advice, analyze the post and cons of alternative choices, and interpret the spiritual meaning of their emotions. ### Four Truths for Decision-Making Process: **1. We can trust our experience** - We can discern the right choice through reflecting on our relationships with others, our work, and the feelings that are generated. **2. God deals with us directly.** - Each person has a personal relationship with God and prayer is essentially a conversation with Him. **3. Value the journey itself.** - Spiritual benefit lies in the process of discerning, reflecting, interpreting, and being in conversation with God. **4. We don't have to be perfect to make good decisions.** - The goal is to make progress towards personal and spiritual growth. - ["] The one necessary thing is this: love God first. Understand that you are in a relationship with God, who loves you and who desires the best for you. Approach your decisions as ways to cultivate and deepen this relationship. ([Location 607](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=607)) - *A secular version might be to approach decisions as a way to cultivate deeper relationships with ourselves and with the rest of the world.* - " Keep the end in mind" - for Ignatius this was God. - For we the end might be fulfilling a sense of greater purpose in contributing good to the world, or gaining a deeper sense of connection to the universe. - Can be tempting to make an end out of our means by pursuing our desires and then trying to rationalize why they are part of our greater purpose. ## Ignatian Discernment ### What Discernment Isn't - [[lgnatian discernment]] is about choosing between two or more good options, not between right and wrong. - ["] It’s a process of becoming the persons we are meant to be. ([p. 49](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=674)) - Process of discerning should never alienate us from our true selves. - The right choices integrate well with our gifts and loves and allow us to discover new gifts and loves. - Discernment is not a way to hunt for clues and solve a mystery posed by God. - *I'm not searching for some preexisting purpose that's hidden and waiting to be discovered. I need to he more self-aware, explore the world, learn from those around me and create a purpose that brings me into alignment with my true self and the greater world.* ### What Discernment Is - [[discernment|Discernment]] is practical, personal, and dynamic. ### Conflict and Struggle in Discernment - We have conflicting desires within ourselves - to do what is good and right vs. to do what feels good, even if it isn't ultimately good for us. - Societal and cultural factors also influence our decisions. Some of those influences are good and others are not. - Sparough et al. believe there is also an inner spiritual conflict between the forces of good and evil. ### Ignatius classified feelings and emotions as either [[consolation]] or [[desolation]]. - ["] We are happy, joyous, and at peace because we are joined with others. Our work is bearing fruit. ([p. 62](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=844)) - ["] We’re unhappy because our desires are thwarted. People don’t respect us. We’re all alone in a cruel world. ([p. 62](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=845)) - Ignatius created [[the Examen]] as a tool for helping us identify our feelings and the underlying struggle between consolation and desolation. - ["] Practicing the Examen is a necessary prelude to making good decisions. ([p. 66](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=894)) ### Rules for Discernment of Spirits - Ignatius wrote a set of [[rules for basic discernment]] and a set of [[rules for subtle discernment]] help us judge the right course of action by indicating which alternative leads us closer to God. - We all have a mixture of selfish and selfless motives that makes discernment tricky. Ignatius suggests 3 causes of desolation: 1. We did something to bring it on. 2. God might be allowing the desolation as a trial so that we can grow in virtue. 3. We may experience desolation as a reminder that God is the source of everything and we are not entitled to always having consolation. - Often fears and doubts are a negative influence (evil spirits) cleverly disguised as a reasonable concern. - ["] The good spirit gave him lasting peace. The evil spirit gave some initial euphoria but left him agitated and unsatisfied. ([Location 1224](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=1224)) #### Important Ideas from Second Set of Rules - Someone trying to do good will rarely be tempted by something overtly sinful, but they may: - become distracted, lose their focus, or wander into fretting and worries. - be tempted to do too much or to act too soon. - ["] sharing our decisions with another person will keep us grounded in reality. ([p. 96](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=1251)) ## Decision Making ### Five Pillars of Sound Decision Making **1. Make [[discernment]] of spirits a priority** - A good decision requires that we use our reason, will, and feelings. **2. Spend time in prayerful reflection** **3. Don't act impulsively** - ["] Desolation can be an opportunity for positive change. ([p. 101](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=1303)) **4. Talk to a trusted counselor** **5. Use your imagination** > [! Exercises] > ###### Ideas for imaginative exercises > **What would you say to someone else?** > - Imagine yourself talking to another person who is facing the same decision you are facing. > - What questions would you ask? What does the person say in reply? > - Listen carefully to what you say to this person and then apply this advice to yourself. > > **Try it on for size** > - Choose one of your alternatives and spend the next few days imagining that you are living your life in this way. Then take the other alternative and spend a few days living it out. > - Note the feelings associated with these alternatives. Do you feel more joy and energy imagining one way of life? Does one make you feel sad and anxious? > > **Present your alternatives to a trusted friend.** > - Imagine bringing your choices to someone you deeply respect and trust. > - Present the choices to this person and observe how he or she reacts. How does this make you feel? > > **Look back from the end of your life.** > - Imagine that it is some years into the future: your life is drawing to a close and you are taking stock. Of the alternatives facing you now, which do you wish you had made? How did you make this decision? At the end of your life, do you wish you had made it differently? ### Ignatius identified three ways to make a decision: - [[Mode 1 decision making]] - certain conviction with little room for doubt. - [[Mode 2 decision making]] - interpretation of states of consolation and desolation heavily reliant on discernment. *I've interpreted my own [[secular version of Mode 2 decision making]]* - [[Mode 3 decision making]] - using reason and imagination to weigh pros and cons. - Apart from acting on will alone, there are two approaches to decision making: one focused on emotions and the other on intellect. - These modes do not exclude one another. Best to bring emotions and intellect together whenever possible. - Ignatius suggests a person should pray for 3 things before making a decision: 1. Clarity to make the best decision 2. Knowledge of God's will 3. Openness to all options ### Four factors in particular are signs of good decisions 1. A good decision leads to change. 2. A good decision is made free from attachments and desires. 3. A good decision is balanced and involves the whole person. 4. A good decision is a spiral into deeper knowledge. # Connections to Other Materials - ["] We’re afflicted with divided hearts that cause us to be burdened by angst, uncertainty, and fear when making important decisions. ([Location 421](https://readwise.io/to_kindle?action=open&asin=B004FPYKUW&location=421)) - This is very similar to [[Parker Palmer's]] idea of the [[divided life]]. # Personal Reflection & Application - I don't believe in God, so I'm not sure how resonant or applicable much of this book will be. But I'm betting there is still a lot I can glean if I look at it from a secular perspective. - I think a desire to do good and a willingness to do what's necessary to make the right choice are important prerequisites no matter what approach you take to decision making. - I don't think our purpose comes from God, but I would agree that effective discernment and decision making involves understanding your purpose and values and working to align yourself with those. --- # Other References TBR:: 🔖 Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke (GR) ## Tags